Been too long,

I keep my thought to myself. I was writing in other platform, such as medium and my other instagram account. I was too afraid to hurt anyone again because of my writing. But i miss it actually, to share here.

Been a very very very hard times for me lately, for past 5 month actually. I was going down and haven't bounce back since. Since the beginning, i always know that things will be better.

But.

Now i got times i called "hard time",

The feeling of sadness wave, self blaming, stressed, want to do self hurt, self isolating, lost apetite, cant sleep and things. I am really feel bad for it, to my family, friends and husband. For making its harder to be with me and to put them in hard times too. 

I wish i could just bounce back and be happy again. I thought that as things is getting better know, i will getting better to. But i dont. It hurt. And im tired to feel like this. My husband has done fine and its none of his fault, not anyone's fault. I am just so full of unhappiness and too afraid to be happy.

BUT im trying :) 

Cheers