I wish.. in 2 years I could finally travel far east.. to NTT, to Maluku, To Papua.. Living in Bandung for 3 years makes me realized that I don't really like the cold weather. Here we got less sunshine. And that's too bad. As a three-quarter Indonesian, I should have a tan ski, like it's a must. Because it's pur pride, Indonesian Pride. Tan skin and black hair, oh we're so exotic. We're blessed with those pigments. 

I really wish I could go to the beach.. right now. Like really, right now. Can I please wake up in an isle? Oh god how I miss the sound of the ocean, the endless wave sound, the birds, the emptiness after it. Oh how I miss the line between the ocean and the sky. Here in Bandung or Jakarta, we won't see any line, as there's too much buildings.

I wish I get enough money to stay in bali for this 3 month holiday. I could get used to it. Tan skin. Salty hair. A little burned skin. It's better than here, only planning for the wedding and doing nothing else. I love to roll at the sand. To look at the bright sky. Oh god I hate student live. I really can't wait to get a job and save my sallary to go for holiday I always craved.

Badly, after month trying to save my money, I only got around 1 million. So it means that the only place I could visit is pulau seribu. Too bad I can't wear bikini and do sunbathing there. It would be awkward. Isn't is sad, as I grow older, the ammount of money I get is not increasing, but my need? Uh it's increased like hell! I even only eat in a cheap place now but still, I can't save much money. A few semester ago, I could go to Bali every semester break because I could save a lot! And that's the life I want. Go to the beach every 4-6 month. REFRESHED. Damn life's suck. But saltwater heals. 

Can someone please give me 2 million so I could go to Bali for a few day? I could die caused of the lack of sunshine....

This part of my pre-wedding journey..

Just a week before, I was just so in love with him for no reason.

And now, I feel like I can't. Get married. I really can't. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. He did nothing wrong nor hurt me. I just can't.

I even don't want any human interaction. I wish I could really just dissapear. I wish I had no phone. I wish I was alone and I wish EVERYBODY LET ME. BE ALONE. JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. DONT TEXT ME DONT CALL ME PLEASE JUST LET ME DO MY OWN THING AND STAY AWAY. including you, boo. leave me alone for a moment