Sebenernya udah jam setengah satu, tapi ada suatu urge untuk menuis.

Habis bersua dengan ka willy, ka raihan dan ka sae. Wah pokoknya kalo abis ngobrol sama orang orang hebat pasti bangga deh. Dan Aisyah tuh selalu kagum gitu sama ka sae. Diatuh sosok wanadri yang kayanya bisa mengimbangi dengan segala kesibukannya yang kuliah dan kerja. Pokoknya bangga banget.

Dan tadi setelah ngobrol tetep kaya bangga gitu soalnya emang ternyata keren. Ka willy, ya gitu Aisyah udah tau cara pikirnya. Dia hebat, polos, tulus, dan anaknya kekeuh. Tapi aiysah sayang soalnya dia ngajarin banyak hal.

Ka raihan itu lain cerita. Aisyah percaya dia menemukan sesuatu di wanadri yang Aisyah ga temuin. Mungkin kerendahan hati dan ketabahan. Dia juga nampaknya bisa mengimbangi waktunya.

Bangga makanya ngobrol sama mereka walopun beda beda pemikiran. Intinya mereka adalah orang orang yang punya pelajaran hidup yang luas karena selalu membuka diri sama tantangan dan menjalani segenap tanggung jawab.

Aisyah mau jadi kaya gitu biar jadi orang hebat. Aisyah udah ga mau jadi manusia sombong yang kerjanya sebel sama semua hal. Mau mengesampingkan omongan omongan negatif dan fokus memperbaiki diri.

Aisyah cuma mau walopun Aisyah ga memilih berjalan di wanadri, tapi tetep punya temen di wanadri. Karena Aisyah percaya banyak orang orang hebat disana yang sebenernya bisa memberikan banyak pelajaran hidup.

Sedih sebenernya kalo mau temenan aja ditanyain, udah program apa belom? Sebegitukah agungnya sebuah kegiatan?

Cuma mau bilang bahwa ngga, Aisyah ga akan pindah haluan. Aisyah mau berjuang jadi orang sukses juga, baik itu dengan atau tanpa program ini. Bakalan teguh buat bisa berproses di luar sana.

Cuma mau bilang bahwa mungkin dibutuhkan kedewasaan buat menerima bahwa kita semua bisa sukses di jalan apapun.

Jangan berhenti berproses, dimanapun.

 Oia, ka raihan told me, "you might be poor on money, but rich on life." mungkin Aisyah terlalu pesimis atau gimana. Tapi banyak orang yang setelah dewasa nyesel soalnya tuanya jadi ga punya uang hehehe susah memang karena Aisyah dari kecil didikannya ga kaya kalian. Aisyah cita citannya jadi orang yang bisa membanggakan keluarga, dengan bisa membiayai hidup sendiri yang mapan. Tapi Aisyah juga mau ngasih tau bahwa kuliah dan kerja yang baik juga bisa kok belajar ilmu kehidupan hehehe

Oia, dear future me, apa yang aku pilih sekarang bukan tanpa pertimbangan. Kalau nanti ternyata kamu nyesel karena ngga ngejalanin program, inget deh, bahwa akan ada banyak kemungkinan dalam hal yang kita ga jalani. Jadi jangan menyalahkan masa lalu atas kesalahan masa kini ya. Karena bisa aja kalo kita wanadri pun bisa sukses bisa ngga. We never know.

 Oia, for reminder, sekarang kita lagi pusing. Soalnya sejak memutuskan buat berhenti wanadri, kita mencoba mengejar banyak hal. Lulus 3 setengah tahun, terus bisa nikah sama tias, terus cumlaude, tapi tetep ikut organisasi. MM ini capek banget hehe. Mungkin kamu sekarang lupa bahwa di awal awal pembentukan MM, ke nangor adalah makanan sehari hari. Kamu sampe sakit terus. Tapi kalo nanti sukses, pasti kamu bakalan makasihin Aisyah yang sekarang.

Kita selalu pusing sama semu hal ai. Karena kita pengen semuanya berjalan dengan lancar sesuai rencana. Pengen sibuk tapi ga suka sibuk. Masih labil.

Darling you may failed, but trust me, a champion is the one who get up from every failure, stronger. Cheer up!

Oh Baby, Should I?

Today, we had a great day. Better than a few date that we had. We do a lot of things, and I'm so happy.

But nothing make me happier than seeing you sleep. That tired yet happy face. I'd love to wake up seeing that face baby. Every single day. Until you're aged, and you have wrinkles on your eyes, and your hair whitened.

I'm so fragile, just with the touch of your hand on my cheeck make my tears melt. Your rough hand tell me so much, like how hard you worked. Your burned skin tell me that you worked all day, I imagined you don't even care how wet your shirt were. Oh baby I'm so lucky to have such a hardworker boy, so I know you'll trying to be the best hubby I could have.

I was so busy and so careless about everything. I don't even have time to heal myself. But as easy as you hugged me, I break down in tears. Finally I can tell that I am so tired and I want somebody to make me  feel safe. I just don't wanna go.

Oh baby life is cruel, why can't I feel this safe everyday.

Oh baby is this goal in my life is more important than this safe feeling?

Oh baby should I give everything up? I'm so starving with this safe feelings.

Or maybe no.

I'll let myself be selfish because i dont wanna lose you twice, or ever again.

Because everything im doing now, i do it for us in the future, and for ken ken. I dont wanna lose the thought of having son with you and taking care of him and giving him all my best. Ken ken really is, my motivation

It's funny how some people said, did I really want to spent my whole life with you? Because the answer is always yes, obviously.

They asked because they dont know you, and what we've been trough. Tho, the right question is, did I really deserve you? Did I deserve your kindness and patience?

I really want to spent my whole life, whole time with you. But I love you so damn much that I want you to be with someone who makes you happy. And if it wasnt me, what can I do?

Bo, am I selfish for always asking you for forgiveness and keep doin mistakes?

Marriage - and stuff

Time fooorrr (c)(u)(r)(h)(a)(t)

Lagi ada lagu Payung Teduh yang sedang tranding Payung Teduh - Akad (Nikah)  Ini tuh lagu suka dinyanyiin sama mas Tias kemaren kemaren. Dan ku lupa kalo diriku yang ngasih tau lagunya! Tiba-tiba dia hapal aja. Kinda Sweet sich. Dan I'm so happy when he talked about marriage, soalnya dulu ga pernah mau!

Go on, let's talk about marriage ! Cihuy. Setelah setahun lalu lulus PDW, 3 orang temen w udah nikah. GILA APA YA ORANG ORANG. Dan ku pertama kalinya dapet undangan nikah dari temen sendiri :') Seneng buat mereka. Banget. Eh bahkan ada beberapa orag yang sedang planning their marriage. Ku jadi envy dengan mereka mereka yang ketemu jodohnya diatas umur 25 jadi udah sama sama siap. Langsung gas pol deh. Tapi ga deng. Ku malah sedih belom pacaran sama Masqu on his hardest time. 

Gue shock deh. Ada temen gue yang baru ketemu bulan Februari, terus nikah bulan September ini. 7 bulan kenalan doang gilaaa. Gue pikir gue udah yang paling oke baru kenal sebulan langsung pacaran, ada yang lebih ekstrim. Gila, pacaran aja 7 bulan bisa putus, belom tentu cocok, udah nikah. Salut sih tapi sama keyakinannya. Well, some people asked why gue belom nikah nikah.Jawabannya adalah, soalnya banyak yang harus diurusin kata Masqu, terutama harus lulus kuliah dulu. Ya ya masuk akal sih.

Tadinya mau nulis panjang tapi dah males. Gudbay

Happy birthday

 

 It’s her birthday. Looking at her pictures makes me realize how much I miss her being. It’s been 8 years. And I haven’t even come to her grave for a year.

I always thought that, if she’s still alive, I would have a best travel partner to travel all around the country. And she would spoil me like she always did. She was always gave me the best gift on my birthday. Cook all those Japanese home-cooking meals. Take all the family for vacation. Oh god I love her.

She was my mother’s keeper, and bumper. A great woman who raised my mother all alone. After she past, I promised her in that i’ll always take care of my mother.

But obaacan, I’m sorry I didn’t. I pushed her away like I did to everybody. I don’t give them a chance to get close to my heart. I set aside all the emotion, and replace it with my goals to achive.

I’m sure that you’re resting in peace there, and watched us. You grew a smart-inndependent-kind hearted-and-successful son and daughter. You should be proud. Me and all your grand child is now almost fully-grown well. Another things to be proud of.

I really wish that I could see you in my dream tonight, so I could remember how you look, and how warm is your eyes.

Rest in peace there, untul we re-united again.

Love.