Is It True? Is It Really My Passion?

Tau ndak salahsatu hal paling membahagiakan di hidup ini itu apa? Ketika kita menemukan hal yang kita suka dan kita tau kita mau. I really think that I finally found my interest in law, human right. International human right. I'm currently applying for my dissertation, titled

"Pertanggungjawaban Perserikatan Bangsa-Bangsa atas Kasus Pelanggaran Hak Asasi Manusia yang Dilakukan oleh Pasukan Penjaga Perdamaian PBB di Republik Afrika Tengah"

And I'm excited with it. I know, di Indonesia tuh kaya hukum yang laku adalah hukum ekonomi atau hukum perdata ya yang gitu gitu lah. BUT I REALLY THINK HUMAN RIGHT IS MY PASSION. Gue yang dari masuk hukum udah suka sedih gitu kalo denger kasus kekerasan sama anak kecil, perang atau gitulah. Dan akhirnya, after long 6 semester, gue berpikir mungkin memang gue harus melakukan sesuatu to help.

Memang kadang kepikiran, kalau nulis skripsi tentang HAM, lalu nanti kerjanya mau jadi apa? Mau kerja dimana? Harus belajar lagi dong tentang hukum indonesia (pidana, perdata, etc)? Tapi sekarang w lagi pengen jadi orang PBB boleh ga sih ngarep mimpi setinggi itu? :( Ga di PBB juga gapapa sih asal bisa ikut minimal sekaliiii aja ke Syria atau ke Sudan atau kemana gitu. Sekaliiii aja :( 

Kadang, w tuh kalau tiba-tiba bisa seyakin dan sekepengen ini sama satu hal, gue tahu bahwa Tuhan bilang ke w, "that's it. that's your way of life. do it well, chase it and I will take care the rest." gitu :( mungkin ga sih Tuhan dengan sengaja menetapkan hati gue buat kuliah hukum lalu Ia menetapkan hati gue untuk ngambil hukum intenasional lalu on this point, Tuhan menetapkan hati gue untuk mengambil tugas akhir tentang HAM agar hati gue terketuk lalu suatu saat nanti Tuhan akan mengirimkan gue ke Syria lalu gue mati disana. Dan gue merasa gue menghianati kepercayaan Tuhan dan mengabaikan arahanNya kalo gue tidak menjalankan apa yang gue yakini benar.

Skripsi kayaknya akan jadi super hard yet boring, sekarang baru ngajuin Bab I aja udah asemele asemele :( Terus kadang gue hopeless banget karena literally semua referensi skripsi gue adalah dalam bahasa inggris dan bahasa inggris gue ngga fluent gituloh. BUT sekarang kadang sedikit ada semangat gitu dalam hari berbisik. "Ayo semangat skripsinya biar bisa cepet lulus terus kerja di UN Human Right Council, International Committee of Red Cross, UN High COmmisioner for Refugeees, atau minimal jadi volunteer untuk Peacekeeping Operation" Iya itu bisikan kecil, karena sebagian besar perasaan gue adalah, "Gila apa ini apa ini. Gila gila. My brain can't take it." Gitu.

Tapi ya gitu. ANW, I hope that we all (finally) know what we want and have enough bravery to chase it and make it come true <3 Dan doakan judul gue besok langsung di approve ya gaes. xoxo

Nb: a lil pic to make you feel more and more grateful

oh I just need a little procrastination here, procrastination there, sidetracked here, sidetracked there, and voila ((wuushhhh)) my friends already graduated, and here I'm alone, doing my undergraduate dissertation just right before I got dropped out.

There's much fun of all this pre-marriage things!

Sometimes I feel too excited that I could blown my heart

Sometimes I feel anxious

Sometimes I feel afraid

Most of the time I feel like "God I could just life with him for the rest of my life"

And sometimes, a little "God how can I stay with this man. Duh. I'll get super bored" and I'm just not ready to let go of my freedom and be home all day waiting for my husband to come home.

But thanks to Grey's Anatomy, I know that it's okay

It doesn't mean that I dont love him

We all need spaces

We all need a little fresh air

It's ok to sometimes get bored and just dont want to text him

Or if you dont want to be hugged

Or if you just want to hang out with your friend

It dont make you become a bad partner tho

We got a lifetime together

We will soon feel so fed up and sick of each other

if we dont have other things to do

I wish we all just could tolerate ourself

Sometimes love is in the air

Sometimes it's just tough

You know what's the reason behind baby blues?

Because most of the time we pushed ourself too much

To love

But love doesnt need to be forced

It shouldnt

You know how's most of housewifes is becoming so grumpy?

Because they dont have any life

They stuck in their house with the dishes and dirty clothes

Please dont make me feel that way

Because we all need recognition

Not just man

Woman do too

I need it too

I love,

But I also want to enjoy things

Admires myself

Feel good on my own skin

Be proud of my achievement

And so on

I wanted to

And I should

And Im allowed to do it without anyone’s permission

Nor without anyone’s justification

And now Im so proud of myself

Of knowing myself better

And knowing what I want better

But sometimes Im afraid that you're not ready for it

Because most men don't

Yeah they dont want a strong-willed woman who know herself

I want you to be brave

Like I do

I want you to be ready

Like I do

But you are not there, yet

But I just can't

Spend the nights away.

I wish I could sleep next to you

To hear your breath

To know you're near

To know that I'm safe

How to make you understand mas?0