Orang-orang cenderung terbiasa untuk mengomentari orang lain atas penampiannya. Sejak makin anehnya konsepsi 'ideal' bagi perempuan-perempuan dan laki-laki di luar sana, karena terpengaruh atas apa yang di lihat di social media, maka orang-orang, perempuan-perempuan yang terlalu kurus atau terlalu gendut pasti jadi sasaran. Dan gue, sering begitu.
Sering dikatain gendut, item, kribo, tepos, jerawatan, pesek, atau apalah itu sebutannya yang mengomentari bagian-bagian tubuh gue.
Dari kecil, gue yang memang punya kulit eksotis dan suka main di luar ini, sering dikatain item. Gue inget betul betapa nyokap gue berusaha menunjukkan ke gue artis-artis yang berkulit ga putih dan tetep cantik. And guess what, now, I adore Rihanna, Beyonce and Tyra Banks so much. And yes, they are black. Butuh waktu cukup lama buat gue belajar menerima warna kulit gue dan belajar bukan mau putih, tapi mau punya kulit yang terawat. Well its kinda hard tho since i like to do mountain hiking. But i can manage.
Dipanggil kribo juga menyebalkan. Rambut ayah keriting dan rambut ibu tebal, jadilah gue begini. Gue dulu sangat insecure, dari smp sampe sma gue selalu dikuncir. Selalu. Karena gue malu sama rambut gue yang susah di atur. Lalu gue mulai smoothing, catok, dan ngewarnain rambut. Guess what? Now i miss my virgin hair. Yang ga pernah dirusak sama gue sendiri.
Dan panggilan-panggilan lain, termasuk gendut. Its like they want you to have size zero. But baby, i am not, and even if i try to lose my weight, its not because all of you, its because of my health and the ideal ideas of myself, that i set by myself.
Bukan cuma fisik, pakaian juga. Saat ini gue berkerudung, tapi sebelumnya, I love to use hotpants, and bikini when i go to the beach. The real short-and-hot-pants. Anywhere. Bukan karena badan gue bagus, but because its comfortable And again, people judged me. Something like, "ga sopan", "dalemnya pake legging dong", "kenapa ga pake celana panjang?" "keliatan murahan" and im like, "Whoa, wait, who are you?"
But it doesnt even changed after i wear kerudung. They'r like. Kerudung dusta ya lo? Pencitraan ya lo? Itu bajunya kurang panjang. Kerudungan kok baju sama celananya masih ketat. Hell. What do you want for me? What should i do to make you guys stop judging?!
And i found out that, the answer is nothing.
Nothing i can do to make them stop hating, and judging, and talking behind me, etc etc. And i would never be satisfied and feel comfortable if i keep listening to those voices.
They, (mostly guy) dont know that all those pretty and hot chicks in Instagram spent millions to make them so pretty. Nowdays, there is no ugly girl, just girl who have money and dont have money. with money, you can buy those beauty. expensive treatment, teeth veneer, lip injection, butt injection, fat remover, etc etc. do you think she really born with that shape of body and lips?
So well, yes, it's hard to live in the world surrounded by judging people, who expect you to always be size zero and flawless. Just be happy and feel comforable with your own skin *self reminder.
nb. here's a bonus video of Tika & The Dissidents // Tubuhku Otoritasku
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